Category Archives: Marriage/Family/Children

The Best Of You, Is The Best to His Family

Be Salafi with Your Family, Just Like You Are Salafi with the Brothers

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Indeed our religion has taught us the best of character and mannerisms, and the Prophet Muhammad (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) without a doubt displayed exemplary character to his wives, and children. It is for this reason that if a person claims to be Salafi, he should be diligent in displaying this character and mannerism amongst those who are closest to him; his family.

We ask Allah to allow us to be true followers of the Salaf al Saaleh.

Brief reminder to my brothers and sisters:

The Salaf used to say:

The best of the speech is that which is short and straight to the point.

With this in mind, I will only mention in this reminder a short hadeeth, and a short statement of one of the Imam’s of his time. In this hadeeth and statement, myself and my brothers should realize an area of family life which we have greatly neglected! May Allah forgive us all and guide us to that which is better.

The Hadith:

The Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي

“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.” (Jame’ al Tirmidhee)

The Statement of Imam al Showqanee (died 1255) He stated:

فترى الرجل إذا لقي أهله كان أسوأ الناس أخلاقاً وأشجعهم نفساً وأقلهم خيراً، وإذا لقي غير الأهل من الأجانب لانت عريكته وانبسطت أخلاقه وجادت نفسه، وكثر خيره، ولا شك أن من كان كذلك فهو محروم التوفيق، زائغ عن سواء الطريق، نسأل الله السلامة!

“You find a man, if he comes into contact with his family, he displays the worst of character, he is prideful, and very little good is seen from him. But if he meets with other people, his disposition is very gentle, his character is very soft, he is very giving, and he displays much good. There is no doubt, this type of individual is from those who have been prevented from good and success, and he is one who has deviated from the correct path. We ask Allah for protection!

Source: Nal al Awtaar (2/246)

No comment!!!

Mustafa George

9th Muharam 1435 | Nov. 12, 2013

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Important Benefit from Sheikh Muhammad bin Saleh al ‘Uthaymeen Related to Marriage and Observing that which is Apparent

Important Benefit from Sheikh Muhammad bin Saleh al ‘Uthaymeen Related to Marriage and Observing that which is Apparent

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

While explaining the hadeeth of Fatimah bint Qaes (may Allah be pleased with her); in which she approached the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم and informed him that individuals have approached her for marriage, upon hearing the names of these individuals the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم replied:
As for Abu Jahil, he does not remove the stick from his shoulder (he beats women), and as for Mu’awiyah, he is poor. Instead, marry Usamah. (Saheeh Muslim)

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Sheikh ‘Uthaymeen commented (in summary):
If it were said: How can the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم say: “As for Mu’awiyah, he is poor”, while he (the Prophet) doesn’t know? It’s possible he (Mu’awiyah) will become wealthy (in the future). And actually, this did take place. Mu’awiyah became a ruler; in fact he became one of the wealthiest rulers.
Thus, we say: From this hadeeth a vital benefit can be derived, which is: That which should be considered is what is apparent, not what will possibly occur in the future. Pay close attention to this principle. An individual is not commissioned to (consider) matters of the unseen, but rather, he is responsible for that which is in front of him.
Consequently, we know the answer for a commonly mentioned question (issue). This occurs when a man who is not religious seeks to marry a religious female. The female would like to marry him and thus she says: It’s possible that Allah will guide this man by way of me. This action may or may not occur in the future. She does not know, but that which is presently apparent is that this individual is not religious. If the female was to say: It is possible that Allah will guide him by way of me, we will respond: It is (also) possible that Allah will lead you astray by way of him! Both of these outcomes are possible, and you (the female) being led astray by way of the man is more likely, due to the fact that the authority and influence of the man over the woman is much greater than her authority and influence over him. Likewise, how many men put pressure on their wives to perform something that the husband wants, and due to his pressure, the female falls into something she herself dislikes. This is something which is known and proven. The most important benefit in this issue is that a person is responsible for that which is apparent, not that which will may or may not occur in the future.
Source: Fathul Thee Jalalee wal Ikram bi Sharh Bulough al Maram vol. 11, pg. 201
Translator’s note:

May Allah have mercy upon our beloved Sheikh and father Sheikh Muhammad bin Saleh al ‘Uthaymeen. Indeed his statements and clarifications are filled with wisdom and sound understanding. The advice of the Sheikh can also be applied to the common day belief of many sisters (when approached for marriage by individuals not upon the methodology of the Salaf): I know he’s not Salafi, but ان شاء الله he will come to the minhaj through my guidance and direction! Then after a few months, we find the sister attending the gatherings of the people of innovation and those supporting them! We have even witnessed sisters falling into major shirk, innovation, and defending the callers to hizbiyah due to being married to individuals not upon the methodology of the Salaf. Similarly is the statement of some females, when approached for marriage by an individual who has a proven reputation of mistreatment of women, you find some women saying: I will be the one to change him! Or: He will never treat me the way he treated others! These spurious statements and the likes are clear examples of how females place themselves in dreadful predicaments as it relates to marriages.
May Allah guide our women to that which is better, and may He keep us all firm upon the straight path.

Mustafa George DeBerry
Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
17th of Dhil Hijjah | Oct. 22, 2013

The Ruling on Isbal for Muslim Boys

The Ruling on Isbal for Muslim Boys
This was an article placed on salafitalk some time ago. I have placed it here for the general benefit.

Bismillah hir Rahman ir Raheem

There is no doubt that from the affairs that every Muslim father and mother will be questioned about on the Day of Judgment will be the raising of one’s children. The Prophet (salAllahu wa salem) said:

“All of your are shepherds and all of you will be questioned concerning his flock.”

Due to this reality, we find that the Salaf were very diligent in raising their children (from young)upon righteousness.

Ibn Umar was reported to have said:

“Raise your children correctly, verily you are responsible for them and you will be questioned regarding your rearing of them.” (Shu’ab al Eman 8295)

Mu’awiyah ibn Qura is reported to have said to his children after praying Salatul ‘Isha:

“Oh my children, sleep (early), it’s possible that Allah will bless you by allowing you to stand a portion of the night in prayer.” (Zuhd by Imam Ahmed 234)

Saleh ibn Ahmed bin Hanbal is reported to have said:

“My father (Imam Ahmed) would call me whenever a righteous man visited him, in order for me to look at that man, in hopes that I would be like that person.” (Siyar 12/530)

If one were to look into the books of the people of knowledge he would find that the Salaf were also diligent with regards to the dress of their children. An example of this is in the following statements:

Jabir ibn Abdullah is reported to have said:

“We used to prevent our young boys from wearing silk, and we would allow it for our young girls”

(Sahih Abi Dawud 3424)

Abdur Rahman bin Yazid said:

“I was in the company of Ibn Masoudwhen a young boy wearing silk approached, upon seeing him Ibn Masoud removed the silk from the boy and ripped it.” (Ibn Hazm in Muhalah 4/40)

Ibn Qudamah mentioned in Al Mugni:

 

“It is also forbidden for the parent to allow his/her child to wear that which is forbidden, just as it is prohibited to allow them to drink alcohol or indulge is usury.” (Al Mugni 1/344)

Ibn Taymiyyah mentioned:

“…that which is forbidden for the male to wear, it is likewise forbidden for him to allow his child to wear…” (Mejmoo’22/139)

Although the above statements are addressing the wearing of silk, these proofs along with their comments can also be applied to the wearing of the pants below the ankle, and Allah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed bin Saleh al Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said in response to a question posed to him concerning the ruling on children’s clothing which contains pictures. The Sheikh responded: The people of knowledge have mentioned that it is forbidden to allow a child to wear that which is forbidden for a grown person to wear… (he continued to deal with the issue of pictures on clothing). Then the questioner replied: Does this ruling also apply to isbal for boys? They Sheikh said: Yes, it also applies to isbal for boys. (Important Questions for the Muslim Family pg.144)

Sheikh Abdullah Al Ghudayan (may Allah preserve him) said concerning Isbal for the young boys: The parents should condition their children to dress Islamic while they are still at a very young age. (Weekly gathering with the Westeners, Riyadh)

I hope and pray this brings some clarity.

Mustafa George
Saudi Arabia

Umm Abdullah Al Wade’iyyah Speaks of Her Father’s Rearing of His Daughters

Umm Abdullah al waade’iyyah Speaks of her Father Jan 25, ’07 8:57 AM
for everyone

.Umm Abdullah Al Wade’iyyah Speaks of Her Father’s Rearing of His Daughters

Taken from the book: Nubthatun Mukhtesiratun Min Nasaaeh…

(Brief summarized excerpt of my father’s, Shiekh Muqbil bin Hadee Al Wade’iee life)

The following two questions were posed to me (Umm Abdullah):

1- (What was) the extent of his (Shiekh Muqbil bin Hadee Al Wad’ee) focus on us while  we were young?

2- (What was) his manner of teaching his family?

As for the first question:

Our father did not neglect us, even though he was extremely busy.  An example of this is his major concern for us with regards to learning the Quran.  He would recite the Quran to us in order for us to memorize it and (he) would record (his) recitation on a (audio) tape in order (for us) to perfect the recitation.  One time while my sister was memorizing, she went to him in order for him to record his recitation, but he was in the library.  She called him and he left his research, came and recorded the recitation, and then returned to his library.

(translator’s note: In another place it was mentioned that the Shiekh stood under a tree and recorded the recitation for his daughter and then returned to his research)

When we began to understand the recitation he purchased a Quranic (audio) album by Shiekh (Mahmoud Khaleel) Al Housrey.  He purchased one for each of us without a radio in order to protect us from listening to music.  Once we became more mature, he purchased a recorder with a radio, but strongly warned us against music.  By the praise of Allah we accepted that.  We have never heard music, and we strongly detest it.  Verily the Messenger(sallalahu alahi wa salem) spoke the truth when he said:

‘Every newborn is born upon the fitrah, then his/her parents make him/her a jew, a christian or a pagan’

(Sahih Al Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurairah)

He (Shiekh Muqbil) listened to what we memorized and we read to him much good.  He would order us to memorize from one specific print of The Quran.  This is because memorizing from one specific print assists (the individual) in memorizing with accuracy.  If he saw us carrying a different print he would become upset and admonish us.  May Allah have abundant mercy on him.

Amongst the students of knowledge, there were some students from Egypt and Sudan that had their wives accompanying them (in Yemen).  Some of these women would teach us and our father would pay them a salary.  This was done due to his specific focus and concern of our rearing and his general focus of the rearing of other (young) girls.  This (manner of study) continued till (we reached) the fourth grade according to school standards.  When he brought the books (curriculum/syllabus) that we were going to study with the female teachers, he would order us to erase all the pictures of living things.  We would do so with hate for pictures.

After that we were taught Islamic knowledge.  Knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah.  We would memorize with our teachers and memorize hadeeths, all praise belonging to Allah.

Our father would entertain us and joke with us with that which Allah made permissible,  contrary to what many people do today, except for those whom Allah has mercy upon.  They (aforementioned people) entertain their children with television, music and crazy toys, and other than that from wrong and evil.  (This is done) while our Prophet Muhammed -sallahu alahi wa salam- said, as it comes in Sahih Al Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Ibn Umar, the Messenger said:

‘All of you are shepherds, and all will be held responsible over his flock’

He (The Messenger) also said:

‘There is no servant that Allah gives a responsibility and he is not sincere in it’s regard, except that he will not smell the fragrance of paradise’

(Sahih Al Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Ma’kal bin Yasar)

Our father would forbid us from constantly leaving the home.  He would order us to never leave except with his permission.

This was a summary of his care for us while we were children.

As for the second question:

Firstly, he was very concerned with our learning the religion of Allah and with our increase in Islamic knowledge.  Due to this, he went through great means to provide us with everything that would assist the seeking of knowledge and free our time for it.  May Allah give him a generous reward and enter him into His highest part of paradise.

He would designate a time to teach us, and on the following day he would question us concerning the previous lesson.  If the previous lesson was difficult, he would lighten (the questioning) contrary to if it was easy.

From the private lessons that he taught in our home: ‘Qatru Nada’ (Arabic grammar), this was taught (completed) twice, ‘Sharh ibn Aqeel’ (Arabic grammar), also taught twice, and Tadreeb ar Rawee (Sciences of Hadeeth).  We were studying: ‘Musil at Tallab ila Qawed al ‘Irab’ authored by Shiekh Khaleed al Azharee, but we were prevented from completing it due to his final illness.  May Allah cover him with His mercy.

He also promised us a lesson in Balagha (Eloquence of Arabic), but his final illness also prevented the fullfilling of this.  Allah is The Helper.

He would teach us in a cheerful manner, as was his norm during his lessons.  This (characteristic) would allow the student(s) to inquire about any misunderstanding in the class.  Our sittings with him were filled with good, review of knowledge and guidance, even during meal times and over the phone.  Even during his illness while we were concerned for him, he continued to question us and bring joy to us.  All praise is for Allah.

Note: She mentions a footnote during this paragraph, it reads:

That time while he was in Saudi Arabia before traveling to Germany, he telephoned me and said:

Assalam u alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

(She said) I responded without mentioning: wa barakatuhu.

He then said to me: Why didn’t you respond with that which is better?!

He was referring to the statement of Allah in the Quran:

‘And if you are greeted with a greeting, then return a greeting which is better or the same’. 

He was very concerned with our statements and if we made a mistake, he would admonish us with gentleness and say: Don’t be like the people of Sa’da (city in north Yemen). One of them learns Arabic for years until he reaches the level of ‘Al Mugnee Al Labeeb’, but he still speaks on the level of a layman.

(She continued to say) I said to him one time on the phone: Now, we no longer find someone to correct us in our mistakes as you used to do.  He responded: Supplicate to Allah for me.  (She said) I pray that Allah raises him in the high parts of paradise and I pray He (Allah) makes my sister and I from those whom He (Allah) said (in the Quran) concerning them:

 ‘And those who believe and their children follow them in belief, We will join them with their children (in paradise), and We will not waste their actions’

(end of footnote)

Occasionally, he would be firm in his questioning in order to test our understanding.  He would also do this with his male students, and at times he would give us difficult questions.  I (Umm Abdullah) said to him one time: These questions are not on my level.  He responded: I know, but I intended a benefit from them, but I placed them in the form of questions.

I (Umm Abdullah) say: What he used to do has an origin in the legislation.  It has been recorded in Sahih al Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Mu’ath bin Jabal, he said: I accompanied the Messenger (sallalahu alahi wa salam) on a riding beast when he said:

‘Oh Mu’ath! I said: I answer your call and I’m continuously at your service.  He (the Prophet) repeated this 3 times and then said: Do you know what is the right of Allah upon His servants?  I said: No.  He said: The right of Allah upon His servant is that they worship Him and don’t associate partners with Him.  Then some time passed and he said: Oh Mu’ath! Do you know what is the right of the servants with Allah, if they do that (worship Him without associating partners to Him)?  Their right is that He will not punish them’.

Presenting a benefit in the form of a question strengthens comprehension of the information, and is understood better than presenting it in any other manner. This is because the student will gather and focus his attention to what is being presented to him.

He would occasionally direct questions to the females that were listening to the lessons, and then he would check which answers were correct or false.  From those questions that he asked (them): What is (the ‘Iraab) analysis for the following sentence:

The two Abdullah’s came riding (camel, horse, etc).

And (the likes of the question) what is the meaning of their (teachers of the Arabic language) statement explaining ‘Itha’ (if): it hides (the doer of the action) because it is (used as) a condition.  It is (also) mansoob (carries a fatha) due to the response of the condition.

(translator’s note: I apologize for my inability to translate the last example accurately.  It deals with Arabic grammar that is very difficult to explain in English.  Allah knows best)

We would ask him concerning doubtful matters or confusion related to our lessons or research, and if we did not fully comprehend his explanation of the matter, he would request us to continue researching, or he would accompany us to the library and assist in researching the matter.  This is something that indeed brings sadness to us, because who after my father would lend such assistance!

(A poet said):

Who can compare to your kind soft way?!  You walk gently and without haste, but arrive/come first.

Verily from Allah we come (are created), and to Him we will return.  I (Umm Abdullah) ask Allah to give us a firm statement (La illaha ill Allah) in this life and the hereafter.

He would admonish and direct us with gentleness and ease, and by the mercy of Allah, we had no choice but to obey him. Verily (his orders) were for our own good and well being, and all of them (his guidance and admonition) were precious pearls attached to and supported by the Quran and Sunnah.

From his astonishing mannerism was that he was not strict /harsh against our opinions and deductions that were possibly correct.  If we held an understanding different from his in a matter, he would not be harsh toward us.  This was his normal character with his students, as was known. He would not act cruel or stern toward them (his students) if their opinions or understanding could possibly be correct.  This (character) is something; oh respected reader, difficult to find (in a teacher).

  • He warned us of the society, because it is one that is deviant and astray.  It (is a society) that races toward that which is incorrect and does not benefit, except for those whom Allah shows mercy.
  • He warned us of pride, and he disliked for a female to be prideful and arrogant toward her husband. He would say: There is no good in her (this type of female).
  • He encouraged us with abstinence in this worldly, vanishing life.
  • He instructed us to intend through our eating and drinking, to strengthen ourselves for obedience to Allah, in order to receive the reward of Allah.

He would say: Do not busy yourselves with preparing food, what is easily available, we will eat.

  • He (constantly) encouraged us. He was not from those fathers who discourage their daughters and families. He made our level (of work) simple in order that we continued to progress and prepare ourselves with learning and obtaining beneficial knowledge.

From his statements to me was: “I hope that you become a faqeeha” (female grounded in religious legislation).

Oh by the One who we hope from no other than Him, I ask you Oh Allah to make his wish/hope a reality.

As for discouraging (your daughters or family), this only brings about laziness and hopelessness, and may lead to a regretful result.

At other times, if he noticed from us a deficiency in answering questions, he would admonish us.  This was from his ways of wisdom.  He would do this with the purpose of protecting us from conceit and pride, these two matters are diseases and they are fatal.  May Allah protect and save us from them.

Several years ago (while the Shiekh was still alive), I (verbally) wished (in his presence) to see a palm pith.  (Later) He saw some people digging up a palm tree, when they pulled out the palm pith from the heart of the tree; he brought me one to the house and said: Here is a palm pith.

(translator’s note:  I believe she intendeds here to illustrate her fathers gentleness and willingness to take some time out of his extremely busy schedule to fulfill his daughters wishes)

In conclusion to this answer, (I would like to mention) I saw a dream of my father after his death.  He and Shiekh Ul Islam Ibn Taymiyyah were present in a place that I am not certain of.  I believe it may have been the lower library (in Dammaj).  Shiekh Ul Islam was standing with his beautiful white beard.  It almost fully covered his chest.  My father was also very handsome and strong.  I ask Allah to place them in His highest paradise.

(end of translated text)

This is what we had to offer of the translation of her work.  We encourage everyone to read the full version of her father’s biography.  Indeed she has placed in her book jewels and pearls that were only seen and witnessed by her.  May Allah increase her in knowledge and understanding.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our last messenger Muhammed, and upon his family members and companions.

Mustafa George

Ruwais, United Arab Emirates

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